Stop The World, I Want To Get Off....

In Taste we lose...

2007-01-02T10:25:00.000Z

What the hell happens when we get old? Observing the people shuffling in and out of the Doctors surgery today made me stop and ponder this question..What happens to our dress sense when we get old?...Sandals and socks, I ask you!!! Does the fashion Fairy hang up her Armani's when we reach a certain age?...do we lose a sense of what looks good?...apart from the socks and sandals it's the long brown or grey coats that they all wear, not some, ALL....it's like a fashion show from the 1950's. Please, when I get old, and I EVER wear those items, please...Shoot me in the head! Gawd help us!

Anyway, happy new year Blog Hogs, hope it turns into a positive and prosperous new year for you all. Personally, I don't hold much hope but in my state of mind, nothing can be viewed as positive.

However, I do have one person in my life who makes me smile...and you know who you are :)

Cryptic? yeah, well, can't give away all my secrets now can I? :)

See you soon

Christmas time...Bollocks to it

2006-12-30T02:05:00.000Z

How sad is it to stop believing?

During a film called - The Polar Express, all about a little boy who does'nt believe in Santa, hops on a train that appears out of nowhere and gets whisked off to the North Pole ( with adventure on the way ) to see Santa. I got deep in thought, and found myself welling up, not because the film is sad, but for the whole Wanting to believe in something magical, and why it dissapears from our lives.

Trying to think back to when I was little was very hard, but I do remember the magic, the special feeling of Christmas...the True meaning of Family values, the wonder of why a Jolly Fat Man comes into your house in the dead of night, eats mince pies and drinks sherry ( he must be the Alcoholics annymous's faveorite member of the year ), leaves you a plethora of gifts under the christmas tree for being good, and for all that to just dissapear from life is very sad....

I dont remember when I stopped believing...

I was'nt told Santa did'nt exist, I guess I kinda grew out of it, but would'nt it be such a nice feeling, to get those values back into our lives? not neccesarrily Believing in santa, but to stop all this Commercialisation of the main event of the year...what is Christmas without values?...money spinning, thats what. What ever happened to "The Thought That Counts". Now it's "Must buy the most expensive presents to appease everyone in my family". something gone a little Kah Kah there.....

Remember a time way back, when it was a thrill to recieve but an Orange in your stocking, an ORANGE! Yes, I know times have changed, but if people can be happy with an Orange for Christmas instead of an Orange Contract mobile phone, why can't we be happy for the small mercy's we give and recieve.

Why does it have to be a laptop, a mobile phone, CD's and DVDs, does that show we love eachother? no!, does it show we care? maybe, but what says Love and Care more than a Hug, a kiss and an "I Love you"...what better gift it there than love at Christmas? instead of the "Heres a bunch of presents that cost me the same amount as paying off our mortgage", what do they mean? nothing, they are material goods. Money Cannot and never will buy Love at Christmas, or any other time of year. Appreciate eachother for who they are, not whats in the wallet. Presents are over rated and not neccessary in my opinion ( well not for adults at any rate ), watch the kids, enjoy them believeing in what we stopped believeing in so long ago, and enjoy eachother! Christmas, it's a love thing...not a burn money time of year.

So next year, maybe stop and think about those who have no money to burn, to buy luxury goods with, who freeze to death on the streets. Does'nt seem like such a good deal now does it? I know we can't help them all, but help some we can. So Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

The World Gets Stranger...

2006-12-12T10:04:00.000Z

Right, now I know some people open their mouths without thinking...but...here is a list of things actually complained about by council property tenants.... All are true!....Strange....but true....

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

***End of Complaints***

Just so you knew where they ended ;)

Anyway, I will blog again soon, when I have something to write about, I'll be back!

I'm a Celebrity.....Get me out of here!

2006-11-20T03:41:00.000Z

So yes, here I am for some reason ENJOYING the latest incarnation of I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here...whats up with that???....What else is there to watch these days? I mean the X-Factor is bollocks this year, with a Duo that should'nt have even passed over the audition threshold...yet the public keep them in...WHY?...are they tone deaf??? There are 2 possible winners in this years X-Craptor, and they are Leona, and Ben, the rest are second rate Wedding singers. Ray...ok, he has some real talent for footwork, but he has'nt the best voice in the world....better than the McDougal twins or whatever their names are....Jeesh! Celebrity at least is entertaining to watch for the next 3 weeks, every day...It's just such a laugh watching Jan Leeming squirm, the old haggard news reader who every school boy had a crush on back when she may have been considered "Eye Candy"....David Gest, who spookily resembles my cousin, has suprised me, he's actually not a primadona in the real world...or at least not for Celebrity.....so Jason Donovan is proving to be Mr. Infallible, nothing phases this guy, and for them to all sit round and "Pay Tribute" to him by singing Any dream will do around the camp fire, how he did'nt run to the nearest rope bridge and throw himself off is beyond me!!!....Dean Gaffney, what a hoot to watch the poor bastard doing the Bush tucker trial, BEFORE he even got in the camp....watching the guy wretch as if he had just been dropped into a room of Brutal murder victoms was a laugh and a half....he did well, 9 Stars for 9 meals...well, I say meals, what I really mean is a mouthfull of some disgusting food that on a normal day you would'nt piss on if on fire....I bet thats what it tastes like!!!!

Anyway, thats enough guff about reality TV shows, and on with....TORCHWOOD! yes again, I have to praise this show, it gets better and better...last nights episode reminded me so much of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre plot, it had to be inspired by that film, it just had to....otherwise it's a bizarre coincidence that they both had practically the same story to them...John Barrowman is playing Captain Jack with such relish, like a little boy who found the hidden stash of Easter Eggs in his Nans house...and ate them.....The Lass who plays Gwen is getting more and more shaggable each week, which is no bad thing....I think it's the welsh accent....Girls with a Welsh accent do strange things to me....in a good way. Yes, I love the welsh accent....and so does my friend "The Leak".....I am looking forward to the new season of Doctor Who ( or Torchwood if you re-arrange the letters ), Christmas is'nt too far away now...

Bringing me nicely onto the next topic....Christmas, yes theres no escaping it now folks, it will be soon time to get those sparkly decorations from the attic, brush off the spiders and assemble the Christmas Tree....oh, word of advice....Floss!, now back to Christmas, if you want to ENJOY the festive season, shop in advance, make sure it's all done at least 3 weeks before Christmas, then you won't be worrying what to buy Uncle Frank at the last moment, you can kick back and ENJOY yourselves....Me? Oh I'm done already, I am going to do my best to enjoy the festivities with my close friends and family this year...oh yes!....23rd December see's a party that will wind to a close sometime in the early hours of Christmas Eve, I will be joined by a plethora of close friends such as - "The Leak", "Captain Beardy" and his other half ( It's like they cut him in two, and he gets himself together once a year ).....then after the Christmas party celebrations, we can relax with some Paracetamol and roll into Christmas Day......Until new Years, when it happens all over again, and I get way to drunk and attempt to demolish every mirror in sight...thankfully, we have none, courtesy of my fists last New Years......

Good times!

And now I leave you with this bizzare, but true piece of information...

A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!

Cio for now!

Torchwood

2006-10-23T10:50:00.000Z

How many of you tuned in last night to watch the Torchwood double bill?...

Fantastic! thats one word...spooky, funny, intense could be others, how well written was that show!! well done to Russel T Davies for bringing such an imaginitive show to the UK screens...heavily inspired by Joss Whedons Buffy and Angel seasons ( Davies own words ), brilliant make up and effects - Can't wait for next weeks show! Oh and if you missed it and want to get it on DVD, the first part will be available from the 26/12/06 :) Oh and did you know - Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who? :)

Captain Jack and Gewn

It was a night of laughter in this house last night, few friends round - Torchwood and a film called - The Longest yard, if you hav'nt seen this, then I suggest you watch it. Adam Sandler is again at his comic best with a great supporting cast which includes - Burt Reynolds, "Stonecold" Steve Austin, Goldberg, Kevin Nash, Chris Rock and a host of other great actors, one to tickle your funny bone!

Now a gripe...

Yesterday afternoon, the house 2 doors down from us decided to start letting fireworks off from about 5pm in the back garden...you might think that this is fine, but the gardens are not very big, the people concerned had been drinking all afternoon and were being very silly about lighting them...so anyway it all subsided, until 7pm when it started again, no consideration to the fact that kids were in bed, in fact one of the bangs was so loud that it woke up some of the kids several doors down, and they were all screaming and crying....the last firework that went up, bounced off the guttering, slammed back down to their garden and exploded practically in the house....with kids inside....and the attitude was ( when they were told by their partners to stop being stupid ), "I'm 24, I don't give a fuck, stop moaning" etc etc etc....well sorry pal, but had any of the kids in the house been hurt by that firework, then I think you damn well would "give a fuck", or at least the police would be making you eat those words...Why Fireworks are sold before November 4th is beyond me!!!! It encourages childish behaviour with them, I know it sounds harsh, but I wish one of them had gotten their hand blown off, or one in the eye....stupid bastards!

Rant over...

And now this...

Strange But True:- In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs!

Incey Wincey.....

2006-10-19T20:35:00.000Z

So it appears I was this in a previous life...

You Were a Spider

You tend to be the master weaver of fate - both for yourself and those you know.
A creative force, you tend to work from divine inspiration.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Go figure...find it hard with 2 legs, let alone 8 of the blighters...

Until next time....*Spins a web*

I was Working in my lab...Late one night!

2006-10-19T11:34:00.000Z

Did my eyes behold an evil sight?...if you class a quick reflection glance as evil, yes...yes I did lol

So I took another of these silly tests, this time to see what pumpkin I would be....and this is what it said.

You Are

A Scary Pumpkin Face

You would make a good pumpkin and liver sandwich.

What's Your Pumpkin Face?

lol, what pumpkin face are you?....take the test, go on..

On the subject of Halloween, does anyone else think that the masks are getting a little on the B movie side of scary now?...next year, Wes Craven will be buying them all as they will be so realistic...I am referring to them being pretty scary looking if you happen to be a pentioner on the end of a Trick or treating mob. I for one think that masks should be toned down, and perhaps Halloween not being so glorified...are we the UK or the bloody USA???? I don't mean that Halloween should'nt be fun, on the contrary, but it's getting a little out of hand year after year.

On the subject of Halloween, I think it's pretty sad that alot of Schools are now banning anything to do with the festival. I mean, if thats the case, lets ban Religious Education while we are at it...I mean Halloween is after all a PAGAN festival, and PAGAN is a religion, so why stop teaching the kids about it...it's not Devil worship for goodness sake!, I for one would like my Son to learn about all the different religionsm it's educational!!!! Lets ban Easter next because that celebrates Jesus! dear me...what is this country becoming?....

On a different note, over the weekend, I had eaten a few things which I had taken out of my diet and went up to 15 stone 8 pounds....I am pleased to report that my weight is now down to the regular weight of 15 stone 5 pounds *Flags out*

Anyway thats it for now, catch you again soon..

Strange but true:- Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can help you lose weight!

I am from Pluto...Apparently....

2006-10-18T18:33:00.000Z

It's one of those little silly things to try out and add to your blog...well read my results below!

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe.
You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart.
You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance.
You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness.
Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

What Planet Are You From?

Where are you from?....

Take the test, and let us all know :)

A passport into my brain...Tickets please!

2006-10-18T11:31:00.000Z

Hello Blog hogs, how are you all today?...I have just returned from seeing a gateway worker, and I am not referring to an 80's supermarket shelf stacker! As you know from reading my past posts ( What do you mean, you hav'nt read them? ), I have been a depression sufferer for the past 19 months. Today I went to see a referal worker ( Gateway worker ), who sat and listened to me pour my thoughts out to her...."Tell me about that...." was common in this conversation. She was a lovely lady, and I could'nt believe I was spilling my thoughts about when I was younger and how I think that this has been going on a lot longer than anyone thought...she agreed with me...I am not, I am happy to say, a complete loon....all the dark thoughts I ever had about that useless excuse for a human being (Ex boss who is a pimple on the Anus of humanity ) were completely natural, as I am just a human being....I am somewhat relieved by this as I thought I was turning into a Richard Hillman!!!

So what next for me?...Well, I have decided to try councelling now, see how that pans out. Not sure how sitting in a room talking to someone who may or may not talk back will work out, but I am willing to try. I am fed up now of being ruled by depression, it's time I take the bull back by the horns and go to battle....of course, I say that now....tomorrow I could be as much use as a condom machine in the Vatigan.....

Anyway, a rhyme...

Hey diddle diddle,
The mucus and the spittle,
The Corpse sank in the lagoon,
The Murlocs said "YummmmNyummm"
And the dwarf spanked the baboon.

Odd? Yes, completely. From a game called World Of Warcraft in which you take control of a number of different races and classes, the above rhyme was from the undead males Joke book....great huh?...

Anyway, just thought I would update you all...

For anyone that I know closely enough to be family, who may happen to chance upon this blog....Remember, I can't explain depression to you, I don't mean to be snappy, uninterested, and try and put a damper on your own successes....I'll be back to my old self some time, just not sure when....until then, bear in mind I love you all very much!!!!

Right, enough sloppy shit....see you all next time, for the next exciting episode that is my life.

Strange Law:- In Louisiana, a bill was introduced years ago in the State House of Representatives that fixed a ceiling on haircuts for bald men of 25 cents

Toodle'oo

Good god, look at the time!!

2006-10-16T08:41:00.000Z

Well, yes, I mean look....9.35am!!! what the hell is up with that!!...I don't usually surface until 11.30-12.30 if I am lucky. Must be something in the water. Truth is, I was absolutley shattered last night and crawled into my pit at around 11pm, which is blooming early for yours truly...normally it's between 1am and 5am...oh, still have depression byt the way, over the long absence away, it's still here, but I am getting sorted slowly but surely, will have a big update for you on Wednesday as I am seeing someone who will then let me know what course of action we take next! YAY!

So, Friday night we had Fish and Chips for dinner, now I have been on a diet of sorts over the past month and a half, starting weight - 17 stone....I now weigh 15 stone 7 pounds....which is so bloody chuffing good, I am stoked! ( Unlike a boiler )...I have started Judo again after a year off, and I think thats helped things a little....anyway back to the chips....I was worried that I may have put a couple of pounds back on after eating that, but no, it's not affected me at all...Man I love the option to have "Cheat Days"....Mua ha ha ha ha!

I recieved in the post today, several Roald Dahl books which I had once read as a child, I give you the list...

The BFG
Fantastic Mr Fox ( Original Paperback )
Fantastic Mr Fox ( New Edition )
The Witches ( Original Paperback )
The Witches ( New Edition )
The Magic Finger
Georges Marvelous Medicine
Matilda
Charlie and the chocloate factory
James and the giant peach

I added the cost of these books up, and had we bought them new it would have come to £40 odd quid, without postage that is.....I got these off Ebay, and it cost me £15 INCLUDING Postage!...Bargain!....

Does anyone out there happen to have a copy of Revolting Rhymes?....if so, would you be willing to part with it? or scan it and send it as a PDF file?....let me know.

Right, well thats all my news so far, hope it excited you...probably excited you as much as being slapped in the face by a slightly damp squid.

Toodle'oo for now!

Strange But True:- A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day! - Erm...WTF?...lol

Stop The World, I Want To Get Off!

2006-10-15T11:44:00.000Z

Whats this?...I appear to be back! I don't know, I trawl through my old posts and find a slight glimmer of inspiration to start baring my soul in this little online Journal once again!

How have you all been?...well I hope, and looking forward to the end of year treats we call Halloween, Bonfire night and Christmas...I am, my little lad turned 3 this year, and how time has flown!!! We won't be trick or treating this year, he's a bit young for that still, but next year, I am going to try and rope his Uncle Rob in to do some Trick or Treating, and of course my good friend - Captain beardy!

I remember when Halloween was a low key affair....is this country going to be so Americanized soon that we may as well merge the 2 countrys together?....it'll be a national holiday soon!!! Still, if you go trick or treating this year, please remember to be nice to the Elderly folks, and get some nasty tricks ready for the unpleasant people....Dog poo through the letter box should be a good start!

So, Anyone watching X-Factor on the Telly?....last nights show was suprisingly good with the selection of misfits and waifs that wandered in off the streets....here are my comments on last nights performers..

Mcdonald Bros - in the auditions very much like the Isley Brothers ( look them up if you hav'nt heard of them, or I will play some on the live Radio shows for you ), but they were out of tune and the song was dull...nerves I think though...personally I think it's unfair to vote off on the first show. I think the first live show should be a showcase of how they perform in front of the live crowd, then the following week the voting starts...

Unconventionals - I liked these guys in the auditions, the problem with them last night was, the song was wrong for a group to sing, its a duet song, Mick Jagger and David Bowie did it perfectly....if the guys in the group had sung and had the lasses done the backing, it would have come accross alot better....blame the mentors, they choose the songs, so Louis has lost his first act already....smug little man that he is!

Ray - Wrong song!!!! - that lad could do some superb swing numbers I think...Mack the Knife, Mr Bojangles etc, but BEN????? - a song Whacko Jacko invented when his pet rat died....Simon, what the hell???? lol oh dear....I thought it was going to be Ray and the Unconventionals on the sing off....

the rest were pretty good, I did'nt think Dionne deserved to be in the bottom 2, as she has one hell of a voice...shades of Brenda from last year!

Thats my 2 pence worth

Well, it does feel good to be back in the world of Blogger addicts, I think I shall have to do more in the coming days, months and potentially years!....

For now this is your mad man, signing off....

Strange But True:- In Corpus Christie, Texas, it is illegal to raise alligators in your home! - Wonder why?....

The Madness is within us all....

2006-04-03T14:52:00.000Z

Hello peeps. Yes I know I deserve a smack on the wrist, I hav'nt blogged for ages, AGAIN. There are times when ones mind goes blank and has no idea what to write. But I am here now.....Time for a life update.

Well, I am still on the anti depressants, ones that I have to take at night now. Which is all well and good, it stops the desire to smash everything in sight, but makes me sleep sooooo late it's not even funny. Life is still very up and down, more down then up, but thats the way the cookie crumbles with my "condition".....I want to be me again.....whoever this imposter is in my mind, needs to leave and restore my old outgoing, always got a joke ready, good ol Rich.....but...he appears to be tied up somewhere in a dank basement screaming to be released....but how? how do I do that?....I feel so alone yet I have people all around me offering their shoulders to cry on....which I suppose if you look at things should be a good thing right?...well not if you have this incapacity to actually cry, unless you count the once in a blue moon moments when I get drunk and allow temporarily for the defenses to come crashing down. I am trying so hard to be a family man, spending time with my partner and child....but it's soooo hard, I don't feel anything inside, just dead...hollow.....like my soul has been evicted....would be just my luck if that were the case. Anyway, financially we are shafted too, £1000+ in debt with our housing arrears, which I am guessing is'nt really helping the matter, paying it off slowly, and by slowly I mean £12 a month, I will be paying that back until doomsday!!...you know that song by Bananarama? HELP, I NEED SOMEBODY!....well I feel like that but who do I need to help me....AGGGHHH!!! One day I will either crack, or start to get better. I hope it's the latter. Screaming and shouting going on downstairs as I blog today, she has no idea how much this upsets me...there has to be other ways of dealing with a disobediant child of 2 and a half years. Maybe thats why I find solice in the PC, at least it does'nt give me a reason to feel useless. In fact the Computer has been a life line of sorts for me over the past year, I feel it's something I can be good with, something I can reach a goal with....I wish I could feel the same about life.....some day, I WILL excorsise the demons that plague my dreams, my thoughts, my life.

Anyway, thats enough depressing stuff....I am looking into getting my Radio show back as a form of downloadable weekly show. In negotiations with a web site to rename my station....all will become clear when I get the green light. Stay tuned and watch this space.

Been playing a new online game called World of Warcraft with my mate - The Leak, very addictive, but again, a sense of accomplishment comes with play.....so I guess it's a good thing, the doctor seemed to think that at least haveing the computer was a start as it was something I was at least enthusiastic about.

Cups of tea.....I NEVER drink tea, yet over the past 3 weeks I have been hooked on the stuff...makes me pee like a trooper, but hey, thats got to be good....lol

Weight....I have been unhappy with my weight now for a long time, I was tipping the scales 2 weeks ago at 17 stones....17 STONES!!!! well, after re-structuring my diet, I am now 16 stone 6 pounds.....result! now if I can get back to 15 stone 11, thats what I have been for years. Come on you reds!

Well, I am now thinking about playing the Keyboard, well, I have one, I need to learn how to play it now, I know basic stuff, but play by ear, so wish me luck on the crusade of music.

Right, well thats enough for now. Will write again soon. ;)

A better day so far...

2006-01-31T13:24:00.000Z

Hello Blog Hogs, yes I am in a much better mood today and believe it or not have had the inspiriation to do some video editing, which is a start I suppose...I have my big bar of choc to see me through, and I am vowing right here right now that what Chocolate I have left will be my last....Rob keep an eye on this will ya mate?....I need to drop some weight, and as hard as it is to step foot outside the house I am determined to walk the dog every day from now forward...hard task....but I am determined to do it!!!! Wish me luck folks, I will let you know how it goes.

A Smashing Day

2006-01-30T15:28:00.000Z

Not the kind of day you may be thinking about....

Wake up and let our puppy dog upstairs - this was 11.00am, thought she had already been let outside by my partner who had left at 10.00am!!!....

So all is good until the dog pisses all over the sodding bed covers....FANTASTIC start to the day!!!! So now I am brooding over this...blaming, blaming and more blaming....no note to say she had not been out.....nothing!!!...

3.15pm rolls round and I fly off the handle....I even did a timed walk to the back door to see how much time it takes to unlock a door....20 seconds!! thats all it took....and she "did'nt have time" - Horse shit!

So anyway, into the kitchen, into the fridge, out comes the box of 15 eggs, WHAM, on the floor!!.....Bottle of whine, SMASH!, next bottle SMASH!...getting angrier now....

She decides to have a go at me about it all now, when all it needed was to let the dog out this morning....

Upstairs into the bathroom, a nice little mirror on the wall, SMASH, broken into a few hundred pieces.....glass in the bathroom, SMASH, gone!....why am I so angry over a stupid thing!!???!! I don't know who I am when I get like that....the last time it happened I near enough smashed the kitchen to pieces and did'nt remember doing it....I don't know what to do anymore....Whatever they put me on, does'nt seem to work......

Calming down now. So going to help tidy up.

For the Love of a Daughter....

2006-01-28T18:54:00.000Z

You know, I don't want sympathy or any advice because you can't give me any that I hav'nt tried already....But I have just for some reason been sitting here playing a game on the PC, when my Daughter pops into my head....a burden I have carried for over 8 years now, yes I have a Daughter, she is 8 years old and lives in the USA with her Mother ( thats the polite term I shall use )....and it all started when...

Internet romances, they happen don't they, well Rebecca is a living proof that it works, it also is about to show how suckered in I got with this situation.

I met Jamie Price ( Yes that is a girl ), on the internet in a chatroom when I was 20, we chatted for ages ( weeks, months ) and we had feelings for eachother, we phoned eachother alot ( big phone bills )...eventually she decided she would come over to the UK and see me and stay as long as she could ( Which is 6 months on her Passport ). This happened, I was a happy bunny, the happiest I had been in a looooong time. We hit it off as if we had known each other for years.....well lets cut the story short - zoom forward 3 months, we find out she was pregnant, I was ecstatic because all I ever wanted was to be a Daddy....had been working with Children in a playworker and even a Youth working assistant for the best part of 6 years at that point....

Moving forward....We decide it's best for her to return to USA and get passport and working Visa sorted out so she can come back to live here in the UK and so that the baby would be born here to be a UK Citizen...

Fair enough I hear you say....

Well yes, everything went fine, she got on a plane and flew off home, and I cried my heart out that day....and missed her every day, phoned her every day for updates.....this did drag on a bit, I even asked for the British Embassy number so I could contact them....she gave a phone number.....oh yes, for a Pizza house in America...."Strange, thats the number that I call when I phone the embassy".....Well, it never worked for me, why did alarm bells not ring at that point I still ask myself today!!

So to cut some more time out of the story, she was due to have our baby in Decemeber, it was no November and despite her telling me her Mom was going to pay for me to go over to be with her, nothing happened.....I waited....and waited....finally my Mom who was widowed when I was just 17 years old put the money up for me to go to America to be with her to see my Daughter born.....GREAT!

So off on an adventure I went, America, the south of America - Louisianna to be exact, great place, friendly folk there too. They met me at the airport and we headed off to what I would be calling home for the next 3 months....Well, it was'nt the Ritz, it was'nt even a house.....it was a Trailer.....big one, but a little in need of repair in places lets just say.....

So, spin on to the end of November, skip past the sweltering heat and the horrible midgie bites etc....December 7th Arrived and the Doctors decided to bring her in to stay at the hospital as baby was due any day soon....great hospital, enough space for another bed which Partners can sleep there, which I did.....

Spinning on, my Daughter was born at 9.38 pm on December the 9th and I was there for the entire thing, never regret that ever....

So after a couple of weeks of being housebound due to too hot for baby to go outside, I start to get the plan together to get moving on the UK trip, only had until February to get sorted....we had the letter written and were on the way to the post office to post it, when she says "Why don't you go look at the PC games and stuff while I post this".....Again, alarm bells should be blowing my head off, but they did'nt.....

Lets spin past when I had to go home and leave my daughter at the airport with her Mother, promising it would only be a couple of weeks until I see them again...

Spin forward......Phone calls again, every day, whats the situation, I managed to get the Embassy on the phone this time from home and gave them a case number ( Which she had given to me ), and they said they could'nt find the application on the system.....Alarm bells should now be so loud the country should be shaking....but me being me, was suckered in AGAIN.....maybe they misplaced it I think to myself...

Then the worst happens.....

She phones me and says "Great news, I have a flight booked for August 17th, we're coming to be with you"....

Spin to August 17th......

Phone call "We have been delayed on the tarmac, we have a shuttle bus taking us to a hotel, picking us up in the morning"........

Fair enough, think I.....Mom phones to find out whats going on ( as she was going to take me to pick them up ).......she phones me back within 10 mins and drops the bombshell "I hate to tell you this, but there is no Plane due to land at that time or has there been any delayed flights from Baton Rouge air port"......

Oh........My........God! *Panic* what, why? what did I do wrong?.....

Spin on 3 weeks.....*phone call* "I'm sorry" was the voice I heard......"What the hell have you done?" I asked....."there was no plane, or delay, or anything, you lied, where were you when you phoned me???"

Get this....."At a friends house"...

Spin on 8 Years........How much contact do I have - NONE
How many times have I emailed asking for photos - LOTS
How many photos have I been sent in the last 7 years? - NONE

No letters, no photos, nothing.....I may as well not exist....

Do I feel used? - oh yeah....
Do I feel resent? - only towards her Mother, who tried to blame me for everything
Do I want to see her? - Of course, I would jump at the chance...
Do I know where she is living now? - No
Is there anyone I can contact to find out - No
Do I miss her? - Every day.......

Thanks for listening, I had to haul it off my chest....

HEEEEREEEES, RICHIE!!!!

2006-01-23T22:14:00.000Z

Yes, I am BACK!!!, after a long absense the madman is finally unleashed back among the blogging world!!! So I hope you all had a fantastic Chrimbo and a drunken new years, I was pissed as a walrus on Whiskey Chasers....even though I was actually drinking Vodka and cokes....Hmmmm, never a good idea, especially mixing them with Rum alchopops...Ok so what were the casualties of such a night....well, when you look in a mirror and don't like what looks back at you....the mirror shatters via a swift punch to it's pane of reflection....one casualty....Casualty number 2, a nice glass covered picture in the bathroom, one swift punch to the center of the pane, and BOOM! no more picture glass...well, with the exception of the bits in my knuckles.....I guess what I am trying to say is....I am traveling that dark road again with very little light that lights the way...each path is scary and undiscovered to me and I am now on a stronger sedative like Anti Depressant issued by doctor death...ok ok, the GP :) still, I am on such a spiral of a rollercoaster when it comes to my emotions right now...friends help alot, but they can't be round me all the time can they?...

Anyway, I am trying so hard to get better, I hate this Dark side of myself so much but he refuses to leave, oh damn you, damn you damn you to hell, let the light return!!!....

My little boy is doing really well, still a really proud Daddy, but I worry that I might harm him....My partner is so supportive, and I love her to bits, but she should'nt have to put up with all this.....

I will do my best to keep you all posted much more regular than I did before, my Radio show is now 24/7 so go tune in, just completed show number 48, so it's going very well, it's the time when I feel like my old self again...Rob is still a great help being there, the men in white coats would have trouble putting up with me lol

Still thats it from me now, I shall speak again soon....wish me luck on my voyage to recovery...

Rich

What a load of Hogwarts.....

2005-10-17T11:50:00.000Z

Ok before I begin on todays voyage of discovery....here is what my birth month reveals about me...

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

Ok, apart from the Hates to be at home part, thats pretty spot on....

Well, went back to see the doctor today and he has doubled my dosage of Anti Depressants due to not sleeping at night and not feeling able to get back into a working environment, took David with me today too as he has been sick every day for the last week, but turns out that he'll be ok, just a bug thats going round...and if I see that bug I will squish it!!! How am I doing in myself? Well much better now in fact, my partner and I have discussed alot of things and have agreed to open our relationship and I have to say a great deal of weight seems to have lifted off my shoulders....she's coping fine with things, and I am much more like my old self....just a few more knots to untie and I will be ok again....it's finding which knots need untieing first....I'll get there eventually..

The radio show has been picking up steam at quite a rate now and we have our own web space and domain now which was kindly donated by someone who enjoys the show...

Retro Radio Live

Well sorry about the massive spaces between blogs, but I can't think of what to write...taking David to see the illuminations at the West midlands safari park...getting him all excited for Halloween too...think thats going to be fun for him, going to get him 2 pumpkins and he will help me to carve them out, we have a spider costume for him and he looks sooooo cute in it, so will post a photo when Halloween is all done and dusted....

Will speak to you soon my dear Blog fellows...

Strange But True:- During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants!

Strange but true country law:- Alaska law says that you can't look at a moose from an airplane

Quote of the day:- "If you walk backwards, you'll find out that you can go forwards and people won't know if you're coming or going." - Casel Stengal, former Baseball player

The Tide Is Turning.....

2005-09-29T13:00:00.000Z

Greetings my fellow blog addicts, here I am with another report on the life of a depressive.....which I have to say, is'nt so depressive at the moment, thats right, something is happening to me, I am feeling an eerie calm within me, like the beast is being locked away unable to surface...and by the beast I mean my temper for all you gutter minds out there...Oh wait...I'm one of those too! ;)

Since I went on a rampage a couple of weeks back, I have not even risen to anything to make me angry, it's scary, maybe it's the tablets I am on, although low dosage, maybe they are caging the beast within....but for how long??....I have considered anger managment as an alternate solution and will be looking into that, I should have gone years ago, but when you scare yourself with an outburst, thats the time to think hard.....

So, it looks like there will be calm after the storm after all, which is really encouraging....I got my friends support which is brilliant, I have you guys on here being very encouraging and supportive - much love you all for that....it makes the difference...

So hows my relationship?....Ummmmm....stale, but working on it....David is precious and deserves both Mommy and Daddy in the same house....it's going to be a long road and I don't know whats at the end of that road, but one way or another, we will do whats best for David in the long run....

Wow, this is turning out to be quite a long blog today, and not even the slightest hint of a rant??...Uh oh....MUA HA HA HA HA, heres one!!

Wanting to cancel our Sky multiroom package yesterday I decided to ring Sky and tell them to drop the second subscription, so I ring and I get the usual "thankyou for calling Sky, our operators are busy at the moment but will answer your call shortly"....ok I thought and continued to hold, watching a program on TV at the same time, not really taking in what the recorded messages were waffling on about...then the show ended and I checked how long I had been on hold - 20 minutes!!!!! and still nobody had answered the bloody call, and it was'nt even 0800 number so bet your bottom dollar I will be billed for a call that did'nt even put me through to a live operator....thats bad customer service!!! Was'nt a happy pea about that I can tell you....still will try again today and tell them that 20 minutes is taking the piss......

And now it's time for the return of the strange but true....I know you have all missed it....

The first ketchup recipe was printed in Elizabeth Smith’s The Compleat Housewife, in 1727, but alas, it was still anemic. There were no red fruits of the vine. But in 1812, a recipe for tomato ketchup appeared in the Nova Scotia cookbook of a transplanted American, who called it “love apple” ketchup. Why didn’t he publish that precocious recipe “at home”? Because up until the early 1800s, tomatoes were thought to be poisonous. Not until Colonel Robert Johnson ate an entire basket of them on the courthouse steps in Salem, New Jersey on Sept.26, 1820, and survived, did they gain acceptance as a food.

and finally

Quote of the day:- "We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles." - Wesley Bolin, Governor

Oh dear....

2005-09-23T23:35:00.000Z

SOrry guys, not been blogging lately, sorry!!!!.....Been consumed by my radio show over the past week, which is gaining momentum and more listeners by the night!! Fantastic!....

Click Here for the offical Website

Went to Chester Zoo on Wednesday with my family and Mom, what a fantastic day out, everything is so nice there, we took David ( my son ) on the monorail thingy which he loved peering out of the windows over the animals under him...aww bless!....All in all a great day out and I reccomend anyone to go, only took just under 2 hours to get there, so if you live close, go!!!! brilliant day.....

So thats about it really, not much else has happened...

I will blogalog when something happens thats worth writing about....

Speak to you all soon

Richie

And so it begins.....

2005-09-14T15:12:00.000Z

Hello blog hogs, time for an update in the rocky life of me....Went to see the Doc today, who had a wrist bandage on...Suspicious...too much u know what that is Doc!....anyway, told him my worries and he said - Best not to drink when depressed!....WTF? I hav'nt drank Alcohol for almost 6 years, probably more...I swear some people turn a deaf ear when they want to....So anyway, told him about my emotions rolling up and down like a broken roller coaster, and he prescribed me 20mg Anti depressants and to go back in 4 weeks, also giving me info on Anger management...WHY??? I got pissed off once severley in the last month, I am not a raging beast all the time...Jeesh!, anyway, I will start on these and see what happens, the label states...May not see any results for 2 weeks....Oh dear!...Still I still have my show to keep the spirits up, and when Leaky is here doing the show, it's like I did'nt have any worries in the world!

BARGAIN!....Went to the butchers today and bought 12 lamb chops ( Minted ), and 2 huge Rump Steaks - All for £10!!!!....Amazing, that will keep us fed for ages!...superb deals!.....

Anyway had to tell you about that, I was all excited.

And here for the whole world to see is my daft animal of a pet, Felix....

Awwwww :)

OK, so we all have the internet....well I bloody did'nt yesterday from 3pm until 2pm today!...And what winds me up is, I am a PC engineer by trade, and I phone up BT knowing what the problem is, saying the fault was at their exchange, but no, they went on and on and on about it's possibly the modem at fault and need to unplug it and re-install the drivers, NO! IDIOTS!, it's YOUR end at fault not mine!...I DO know what I am talking about you ignorant bunch of Jack Asses!!!......So eventually I get through to the Faults department, as the other place I must have spoken with was more than likely positioned in Outer Mongolia!!!!....What happened to the British speaking, completley understandable switchboard operators that DON'T read from a script, and then freak out when you detour from their set pattern of words set before them!!?!?!?! Now I am no racist, but please, get the good ol British help lines back in Britian.....The first person I spoke to could have been speaking Swahili....never mind, it's back now and I am blogging again...thats the main thing.

I have been busy creating new jingles for the radio show most of the day, and am pretty pleased with the results, even if I do say so myself...I am sure if you tune into the show tomorrow night, you too will enjoy them.

Right thats it for me, I might have to make a new Blog specificly for the show perhaps?...Let me know if thats a good idea.

And now this....
Deep in the pools of subterranean caves in Mexico, there swims a totally blind fish, Astyanax mexicanus, or Blind Cavefish. Their most curious feature is not the ability to dart around the pitch black waters catching prey without bumping into things, but the question of…what happened to their eyes?

The answer is as follows....

The October 2004 edition of The Journal, reported on a study that has identified two genes, with the quirky names of "sonic hedgehog", or shh, and the "tiggy winkle hedgehog", or thh. These genes have proven to scientists, that they hold a crucial role in the development of the eye lens, which then affects any development of an iris, pupil, etc. For example, when a human loses function of the shh gene, it can cause them to develop a single, large eye, making the prospect of a Cyclops in ancient times, much more real. The study revealed that excessive activity by the hedgehog genes in the embryo cavefish’s developing eye, caused it to deteriorate and "die", leaving the mature fish with basically an empty socket, and a flap of skin over it. Previous to this, opinion on why cave dwelling animals lacked sight, was heavily weighted in favor of regressive development of features the animal/fish no longer needed. Now, it is known that there is a key, which in experiments has proven to affect the eyesight of normal fish. Researchers involved in the latest project, anticipate that their findings will lead to treatment of a number of eye conditions in humans, relating to development of the lens.

Is'nt the world an interesting place?....

Quote of the day:- "We'll be back with the recrap after this message." - Ralph Kiner, Mets sportscaster

The Start On The Road To Recovery....

2005-09-13T11:28:00.000Z

Well, folks, I have finally gotten a Doc appointment, tomorrow at 3.10pm, It's done at last...Had to start somewhere I guess....Also after yesterday, where I was not well in the slightest and have lost a few pounds ( Thats the polite version )...I am feeling a little better today, but tummy still feels a little bubbly...hope I don't have another rough night like last night....For those that tuned in last night thankyou for your support, it is appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed it.

Show tonight from 7.30pm, my co-host The leak will be joining me part way through the broadcast, so expect the mayhem to be clicked up a notch! :D

Anyway, I hope to be able to blog at length again before too long....I got an application form today for the assistant managers job at Savers, not spectacular I know, but it's a start......

My cat is being a retard again....nuff said.

5 hour marathon Broadcast!!

2005-09-12T13:58:00.000Z

MANY thanks to the peeps that tuned into Retro Radio last night for the September 11th Special....We went on air for 5 hours and maintained the same energy from 7pm until midnight, and we loved every minute of it!!!....My next show is tonight at 7.30pm until 9.30pm, but I am not feeling fantastic so you will have to bear with me...

Sorry to the Leak whose party I missed on Saturday night due to my life caving in around my ears...but we are back on track now I think :)

Ok it's that time to give you a strange but true...

When you get paid mega bucks to have thousands of people come and watch you play a sandlot game, it must be hard to find something really entertaining to do in your spare time, which could be what led to the now famous Fleer baseball card that had the naughtiest of words displayed prominently on the handle of Bill Ripken’s bat.
Ripken, at that time an infielder for the Baltimore Orioles, and nowhere near the fan draw that his brother and teammate Cal was, posed for the 1989 card in the typical “bat over the shoulder” position. What was not typical, was the tiny but legible scrawl of an obscenity on the bat, noticed almost immediately by hawk-eyed collectors. “Fuck Face” was obviously not the brand name, so where did the words come from? Initial thoughts were that either Fleer had touched up the photos to cause a sensation, and thus create a collector’s item, or else a disgruntled prankster at their printers, had taken it upon themselves to lighten up an otherwise boring day. Neither was right. Ripken himself, later admitted that some teammates had scrawled the phrase on the bat as a joke, and neither he, nor the photographer, nor anyone at Fleer had noticed it. While that seems a big stretch, and not even in the seventh inning, there it was. In subsequent printings of the card, the offending words were either covered with a blob of white-out, or inked out with a marker

More to come soon folks...

A Tale of a Radio Show

2005-09-08T14:13:00.000Z

Hello my blogger friends, I just had to report on the show we aired last night ( We being Myself and the Leak ), it was a real fun packed show, Live of course so it was all cutting edge and off the cuff, we had an absolute blast on the show....We also interact with listners on MSN which makes it even better!!....with tunes from the 50's to the 90's we could'nt go wrong :) even had people voting for the show, how cool!!...I hope some of you can get to tune in next show, I do solo shows when the Leak is not available, next show will be announced on here and I will be making a website to accompany it....if you want to add me to MSN, then please feel free...

Retro_radio@hotmail.com will see you right there. Be glad to add you :)

Stay tuned......Same Retro Time, Same Retro Channel!! hehehe...

Contemplating a show for tonight....so if you add me to MSN I will let you all know.

Speak again soon....Man I feel better than I have in a long time, it's awakened my creative side lol

Retro Radio Hits the Air waves

2005-09-07T02:56:00.000Z

Hello fellow Bloggers, Retro radio will be LIVE and in your face tonight at 7.00pm until we decide to stop!....use the link on the previous post to access the station.....your DJ's for the evening will be Myself ( Rich ) and the Leak ( Rob ), and anything can and will happen.....

Come along for some fun and rockin tunes....see you there!

Retro Radio Test Broadcast - LIVE - NOW!

2005-09-06T15:18:00.000Z

Hello everyone, Retro Radio is LIVE on it's first test broadcast...tune in via this link.... Retro Radio

I am the station that describes it as 50's to 90's Live UK DJ

Hope you guys get a chance to listen....

Keep ya posted on future broadcasts.

Stuck in a rutt....

2005-09-06T13:00:00.000Z

Hello everyone, I have not been feeling too good about things lately as I mentioned on a post lower down. Things are not any better, in fact it seems to be getting worse....What to do?....A doctors appointment I think is needed to try and sort this whole thing out, I am scared that if I find the route of my depression lies in my current relationship, what do I do?....I can't lose my son, and yes, I know I would be able to see him, no question, but I would want him here with me. Now I am not saying that my relationship is the cause, but the fact I want to maybe test the waters elsewhere is worrying me. Any suggestions?....

And onto happier news...

Retro Radio will be broadcasting a special September 11 tribute show, which I have donw every year so far without fail and this year will be no exception!!....I have been busy creating my own jingles for the show, and I am ready to hit the air waves. I will post details on how to tune into the show Via the internet as it is a web based broacast, but will be LIVE and anything can and usually does happen!...
So Leaky, get ready cuz we are going Live again very soon my friend. Any volunteers willing to tune into a test broadcast please leave me a message!....MSN Messenger is useful to chat to me during the broadcast. I look forward to seeing who would be up for some Great music and a few laughs along the way.

Strange but true:- Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings!

Animal Trivia:- The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene. - so watch out for those hairy critters carrying a crow bar!!

And now this....

In Guadalajara, Spain, a girl was cold and needed an extra blanket. So she took one and shook it out the window before using it, according to her distraught father who had secretly hidden her college fees in the blanket. The money was never recovered.

And finally...

Quote of the day:- "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
- Winston Bennett

Guts and Balls.

2005-09-02T12:57:00.000Z

Thought I would share this with you...

"Guts"

Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask : "Are you still doing the cleaning, or were you thinking of flying off with your mother to cast spells somewhere?"

"Balls!"
Coming home late after a night out with the guys, reeking of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar and scratch-marks on your beer-gut, Slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say "You're next, fatty."

hehe more to come later

I am a robot...Apparently

2005-08-31T13:28:00.000Z

And this represents me...Wheeeeeeee! :D

I'll Be On Air Soon!...Oh yes!

2005-08-31T13:08:00.000Z

Hello everyone, I trust you all had a good weekend, I spent mine cleaning the house from top to bottom, and it looks great :) Now about my header for today, I used to DJ on an internet radio Show alongside the Leak, on a show we called Retro Radio playing hits from the 50's to the 90's, then I moved house and hav'nt been on air since....BUT!, I will be hitting the air waves again very soon my friends, for a kind Sponsor in the States has kindly offered to pay the monthly fee to get the station on air once again!...so, all going well, I will be broadcasting at least 3 times a week, 7.00pm until 10pm and I will be on MSN messenger to take requests...If anyone wants my MSN email then please ask for it in the comments box and I will sort that for you...I hope I can get some of you on board as listners :) We always have a great time on the show, it's all Live so anything can happen...and if you happen to miss a show, I upload it to the 24/7 server which loops until the next live show....I am feeling really good about this so I hope it will serve as some sort of Therapy for my Depression.....Let me know what you think in the comments box.

Woooo! :D

Strange But True:- Chris's Fish Bar in Grays, Essex, England, had 500 pounds wrapped
up ready for banking on 11th August, 1986. But the money disappeared.
One of the staff wrapped it up instead of a portion of chips, and gave it to
a customer!!

Animal Fact:- A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

And now this....

A man was stabbed by a swordfish after getting into a fight with
another man. Garth Spacek, 42 got into a fight with Frank
Ashmus, 46. The fishermen started fighting and Spacek hit
Ashmus in the head with a beer bottle. To get back at him,
Ashmus went to Spacek's apartment and stabbed him with the bill
of a swordfish. It was reported that both men were drunk. They
have been arrested and Spacek is in fair condition.

An finally

Quote of the day:- "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." - Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins

Ahhh, gotta love the humour

2005-08-28T13:35:00.000Z

I recieved yet more amusing jokes in my email today, so I am taking a break from cleaning the house top to bottom ( Gotta keep the mind active...the body too )...so here we go I hope you enjoy them...they made me chuckle...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted

last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

lol - I like that one!!

Friends Reunited....oh how true!

"I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
we lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...
...so I told her to f***k off

And finally....

Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and as the walk home is taking some time due to their state they find themselves desperate for a wee. At this moment they are passing a church and decide to relieve themselves
behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish, they both realize they have nothing to wipe themselves with. So the first women decides to use her knickers and throw them away. The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, but then she notices a new grave nearby with lots of new fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with thick soft ribbon. 'just the job' she decides and without another thought duly pulls the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task is completed the women continue staggering home. Next morning, the husband of the first women phones the husband of the second-" we need to keep an eye on our wives, Mine came home with no knickers on last night!" You think you've got problems" explains the second husband. My wife came
home last night with a card stuck up her a*** that said, " we'll never forget you - from all the lads at the fire station"

Just a couple I liked from the email...Quote of the day and facts are back weekdays :) Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Rich...AKA - The Madman

Currently listening to Blue Monday by New Order

Depression....

2005-08-26T09:12:00.000Z

It's time I faced the world, and made an admission..and if I make the admission here I can't turn round and say "I never said that"....So, I have come to the conclusion I am depressed and need to see the doctor this coming week to see what he can do to help me out. How do I know I am depressed?....

A) Been there before - lowest of the low time of my life, so spotted some symptoms

B) The increasing paranoia of things, especially the security of my house...My partner and little boy have gone down to Cornwall until Monday, and I could'nt go, mentally and physically could not leave the house....

C) The growing reluctance to leave the house - based on (B) and not really wanting to go out.

D) Not wanting to do anything ever.....

E) My motivation levels are ZERO, I can't get myself to do anything....and it's pissing me off

F) Mood swings, and not little ones either....

so, there are a few of my reasons for coming to that conclusion. I only have a couple of really good friends, The leak is one of them, and I think he may have noticed I am not staying at Hotel Happy lately. So, I am home alone for the next 3 days....I will miss the presence of my Son I can tell you....I miss him now :(

Ever had 2 women who love you?....Yeah.....I do.....And it's not as good as it sounds....It's very confusing....Yet I have been loyal to my Partner, so I guess morals are a good thing after all. Not like I can do much anyway, the other lady lives over seas....Oh life is such a pain in the ass!! I think my depression may have been triggered by losing my job in March, which of course you will all have read about in a previous post. Is it normal not to have any sexual contact with a live in partner for 2 years?....I think I have become a Monk....Maybe it's all to do with my partner not feeling confident, since she had our son she has'nt been herself, she's on anti depressants now, and looks like after 2 years of supporting her, I need them too....vicious circle that life has thrown my way....I'll keep you posted....

So, a serious post from me today....but that does'nt stop me from this....

During a burglary in 1980, robber, John Yianni, narrowly escaped being caught. Afterwards, he telephoned his flat where a friend was waiting to hear from him, and described what had happened. 'Why don't you come around and tell me about it?' said his friend. Yianni went to the flat and was promptly arrested. It was not his friend to whom
he had been talking. It was a policeman.

Amazing Animal Fact:- A whale's penis is called a dork. ( Oh how you will laugh everytime an Aussie calls someone a Dork now on Neighbours....)

And finally

Quote of the day:- "And an Mansell comes into the pits, he's quite literally sweating his eyeballs out." - UK Sports coverage on TV

It's time for some Nonsense.....For once

2005-08-25T13:50:00.000Z

Ok guys, I have decided that today, just to be different I would give you a list of things that will make you go - oooooh yeah!.....Well, it did with me any road...ok here we go..

1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America???

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

17. If a 999 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (I've always wondered..)

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

29. What do you call male ballerinas?

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didnt he just buy dinner?

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

35. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? (LMAO...)

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

38. An orange tastes of Orange, a Banana tastes of Banana, why does a Granny Smith taste of apple!!

39. Treacle tarts are made from treacle....What the hell is Spotted dick made of?

40. Why do 24 hour stores have locks on the doors?

Thats it for this blog...more to come in future installments...hope you have been entertained by this lot...and now this...

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

Amazing Animal Fact:- Elephants have been caught swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean - lol - CAUGHT Swimming?...is it against the law? lol

Quote of the day:- "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." - Sign in Men's clothing store

Animals - They are Amazing

2005-08-24T11:58:00.000Z

I watched Ricky Gervais Live the other night, and it was ok, the main part that made me laugh was at the end of the show he had a list of Animal facts, made me laugh for a length of time too....SO!...I have decided to include yet another new feature for each blog....An amazing animal fact!....Man, some of them, make you wonder who takes the time to investigate this to prove it as fact. I am currently looking out of the window watching the rain beat down on the window, and feeling a lovely fresh breeze from the world outside, how very pleasent. There goes the BBQ idea I had for today lol, have to use my Trusty George Foreman grill...Oh how funny when someone refers to it as a George Formby Grill...

"When I go grillin burgers to earn an honest bob, with all the ketchup sauces it's a very smelly job"...

Yes I can imagine good Ol George on his Ukulele bashing that one out...That in case you had wondered needs to be sung to the tune of - When I go cleaning windows.

I have finnished the latest Harry Potter book in record breaking time!...Well, I guess my toilet trips must have increased since having the book..I have to say, if you have not read it yet, read it.....leaves you craving the final chapter, it really does....November 18th see's the cinema release of Goblet Of Fire, looks ok so far from the trailers, the book was a great read as was Order of the Phoenix....

Well, thats all from me at the moment, here come my daily blog facts...

Amazing Animal Fact:- Montana mountain goats will butt heads so hard their hooves fall off.

rofl....Right....would love to see that happen personally, just to see if it's true

And now this...

Strange but true:- There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones!

Our true story of the day goes as follows

At a Phnom Penh restaurant, three Cambodians died when they decided to play "footsies" under the table with an unexploded antitank mine that they had found. Everyone else had fled the restaurant when they realized what the three were doing.

They’ll never do that again

And Finally

Quote of the Day:- "After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board." - Sign in a British office.

Friends, What are those again?

2005-08-23T11:40:00.000Z

Hello everyone, it's taken me a couple of days to calm down before writing this post or I would be ripping the world to hell and back!!....Anyway, why was I so annoyed?..well, easy....On Saturday we had a Party for my freshly turned 2 year old Son...GREAT! We invited close friends and family for the bash, which included, His Grandma, Nanna, Grandad, God Mother, The Leak ( As you know him ), The Leaks Girlfriend Viv, and of course Mommy and Daddy :) .... also invited and reminded well ahead of schedule were two people I used to consider friends....Phoned them on the day of the party....The coversation went something like this...

Me:- "hi, you all set for later then?"

Him:- "Why whats going on later?"

Me:- "My Sons Birthday party"

( Silence )

Him:- "Oh blast, I forgot"

Stop there a sec....Forgot!....FORGOT?....How can you forget when reminded and this I have to add is from someone that wanted to be My Sons God Father!!!!

Me:- "So what you doing then?"

Him:- "Judo tonight"

Again, stop there....This guy does Judo EVERY night bar two nights a week....ok fair enough everyone needs a hobby or sport....But this guy did Judo instead of be with his Mom on Mothers day!!!!.....

Me:- "Right, so you coming after that right?"

Him:- "Yeah, should be there about 9.30pm"

Me:- "Ah well, later is better than not at all, see you later then"

Did he show up?....Did he fuck as like!....no phone call, no email, no appology the next day, nothing!!!!......How sad that he puts Judo before important events....Events that happen but once a year, events that put Judo into the "Ah well, we can do that another night" category.....Sad, Sad, SAD!!!

My Son had fun though, which is the main thing, but you can see why I am so pissed with the person in question, I have known the guy for 10+ years, and never has he let me down so badly than in the last 2 years.....Makes me sick!

Anyway, thats the end of that Rant, I feel better for sharing it with you all. Talking of Sharing, here is my little boy, the light of my life.

Is'nt he cute :)

Anyway, on with our True story....Prepare for more stupidity from the real world.

A Baltimore, Maryland, woman got lost after driving away from her home and didn’t stop driving until she reached Syracuse, New York. Being so greatly embarrassed, she flagged down a passing police cruiser and claimed she had been kidnapped at gunpoint in Baltimore. This claim resulted in a cross-state manhunt involving 5 police agencies.

When the truth came out, her husband was allowed to drive her back to Baltimore only after he promised that he’d do all the driving

Oh deary me! :) I want to start a new feature in my posts, Called....

Strange But True:-

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Interesting eh?.....and finally....

Quote of the Day:- "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - Terry Venables

Thats it for now, Peace out, check you later :)

Playdough - The new age human brain

2005-08-19T22:04:00.000Z

What oh what, could that title mean?...Well quite simple, read it as it is put there and that is what it is meant to mean...I have been reading some very entertaining customer quotes from Mrs Coogan on her blog, and after reading the responses decided it was good enough to start one here too...Now I used to work in the Video game industry, and the things customers come out with is also priceless...So here are a few of my fave Customer queries I have had to deal with personally...

10) "Excuse me, do you stock Computer games?"......In a video game store...I ask you!

09) "Scuse me mate, you got that new Resident Evil Vice City?" - I think you mean Grand Theft Auto Vice City....

08) "Got that new Dustin Hoffmans pro BMX?" - Referring to, Matt Hoffman, at least some of the title made sense.

07) "I am looking for the new Chesney Hawks pro skater"....Of course meaning, Tony Hawks pro skater

06) "Do you service Washing machines here?"....Yeah, and Freezers and Microwaves...COMPUTER GAME STORE!!!

05) "Can you fix my Playstation?"..."We have to send it off to York to be fixed"...."What? New York?".......Oh good God!, I swear, I will swing for someone!

04) "I am looking for Bet Rayal"...After much MUCH pressing with this customer, it turned out she wanted WWF Betrayal....Bet Rayal!...Excellent.

03) "If I buy this game and copy it, can I bring it back and get a refund?"...Uhhhh....."NO!"

02) "Scuse me mush, ow much are dem gamestations?"....Chav alert!

01) And my fave - "Hello there dear, I am looking to get Steven Hawking Ice Skating".....Now I know it's harsh to laugh at an elderly person, but how can you be so wrong about a game title? Tony Hawks ( AGAIN ) Pro Skate boarding....

Now you can see why I have todays blog title as it is....Playdough?....Putty, S*hite?, Something other than brain cells!!!!

lol, so Mrs C, you are not alone in the ways of the dumbass customer.... anyway, thats made me cheerful so onto todays strange but true story.

And now this...

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!" - Strange but true!!!

And to wrap us up it's time for...

Quote of the Day:- "Elephants Please Stay In Your Car." - Safari park sign

A Funny Moral to the tale....

2005-08-18T10:48:00.000Z

I was sent this via email and thought it quite funny, so wanted to share it with you all...Am I good to you or what?

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and, before long, Cuddles discovers that
she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the
approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and
he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do
now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard...... !"

Moral of this story.. Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will
always overcome youth and skill!
Bullsh*it and brilliance only come with age and experience!

Todays Blog was inspired by....

2005-08-18T10:22:00.000Z

A one..Mrs Coogan. Yes the lady in question ( who has a most entertaining blog ), did a piece on Idioms And Their Origins, so I thought I would try some of my own...so sit tight, here we go!

Limelight

Thomas Drummond in 1816 devised a lighting source for theatres. It was a cylinder of lime heated by an incandescence flame and placed behind a lens or in front of a reflector. These lime lights were very bright. Thus the star
performer was very visible as long as he stood in it. Soon, actors were
competing to be in the easily seen limelight. And so any location where
many can see you today is called being in the limelight.

Break the ice

All cities that grew as a result of being on rivers (for trade) suffered during bitter cold times when the river froze.Even large ships got stuck, making them icebound for weeks.Little small sturdy ships known as icebreakers were develop to precede the ships breaking ice and making a path. This was important for the ships to get the goods to market. And so every boatman knew that in order to get down to business, you first had to break the ice.Today it represents any sort of start to a project or on a first date where you "break the ice", usually represented by a kiss or a lengthy introduction ;)

Hen Pecked

Biologist W.C. Allee gained fame when he discovered the pecking order of hens, and the female's habit of using her beak as a weapon among other females. The hens never peck the male roosters. And yet the term today is often referred to represent the verbal attacks females put upon males. Go figure!

Well, theres a small history lesson for you today, hope you enjoyed it.

I stumbled across this site today, some of these people are scarily like their Celeb doubles, go and have a look for yourself, it's a scary world!!!

Celebrity look alikes

And now this....

A Euclid, Oregon, man claimed that a camcorder found by police with "up skirt" videos was not his. That is until he was shown the images where he often missed the intended focal point and got pictures of his own face.

And to finnish this blog today, I am going to be going with the fabled..

Quote of the day:- "During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian.

An interesting feat by anyones standards. And now a picture.....

C'mawn, Retro retro retro retro....

2005-08-16T12:04:00.000Z

Yes that title was done in the style of Ray from 2 Unlimited - remember him? looked like he had a huge bird eating spider for hair...and his immortal crys of.. "C'Mwan, Techno techno techno techno"...look it up, it's used in No Limit...Oh yeah, some real Phat beats used back then eh?..."Lemme hear you say Yeeeeah"...

And onto a strange post, I have decided it about time that I share with you some of the silliest band names I have found over the time of music history, and let me assure you, some are very VERY strange...I did this feature on my Radio show with my then Co-Host - The Leak...so here we go then with the top 10 silly band names.

*Cue top 10 music*

10:- Mott The Hoople
09:- Kid Creole and the Coconuts
08:- Limmie and the family cookin'
07:- The Troggs
06:- A Flock of Seagulls
05:- Terry Dactyl and the dinosaurs
04:- Three Dog Night
03:- Hermans Hermits
02:- Showaddy Waddy
01:- Bobby Boris Pickett and the Crypt kicker 5

So there you have it, my top 10 of silly names, please feel free to add to this list in the comments section...lets try and get the best line up of stupid/outrageous and quite frankly most ridiculous names of all time.

Coming soon as a sort of sequel - Silliest song names of all time...but thats for a future installment.

My ebay shop has taken off really well, quite impressed...check it out.

Digital Interface

And now this:-

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain

Only in Ohio...or if you happen to be a Chav, which is ok cuz it means you can't actually read this post....Bwa ha ha ha ha

And to finnish off, as always...

Quote of the day:- "When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him" - Michael, 14 Advice from Kids

And the blog must go on...

2005-08-13T11:49:00.000Z

Hello again, and a hearty welcome...yes I am in a much better mood than when I posted last....which I am sure makes you all happy bunnies. I have decided after reading blogs linked from and including my very good friend "The Leak" that I will add some of my favorite ones to my links section to give you all some more exposure, oooer missus!...And if you enjoy my blog then please feel free to do the same.

I am currently looking out of the window and watching the rain beat down on the world, very theraputic is rain...just watching it, hearing it..obviously not out singing in it, well not yet anyway, maybe after several jugs of beer hehe...although at that point Singing in the rain may have turned into "Shlungin on the run"..

Anyone ( Ladies excused ) ever had their nuts used as a punch bag?...no?....then don't work with kids..they think it's hysterical to watch you crumple over as their fists thunder into your unsuspecting baby maker....

and now this....

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, N. J., in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 a.m., the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.

Oh dear, what is the world coming to when you can't even throw a lit Boomstick out of the car window properly?....

And so concludes this little blog, there may be more later....or maybe I will be lazy and wait...who knows...who cares....Stay tuned to MadFM for more :)

Quote of the day:- "What's the use of sending a $2 million missile into a $10 tent to hit a camel in the butt?" - George W. Bush

And life goes on...

2005-08-11T03:24:00.000Z

Hello everyone...I am so pissed off right now, it's only small, but I need to get it off my chest, and I aint talking hair here!!!...

OK, in April I was fired from my job for...DUN DUN DUNNNN, Changing some paperwork, which is not as bad as it sounds...( And if I ever run into that piece of crap that I used to work for, hes not going to be able to walk very far when I finnish with him ) Now my problem is this....It seems I am now scum of the earth as far as employers go even though supposedly my old firm are not allowed to disclose info as to why I left, not even a damn Supermarket job fits my bill...and being an Ex Store Manager, you would think I may be of some use to people....*sigh*, only time will tell I guess to see if this curse ever gets lifted from my shoulders and I may be able to work again...who knows, maybe I won't....Life deals a shitty deck sometimes...mainly friggin jokers!!!!

Anyway time for some light heartedness!!! Below I have amassed a selection of quotes from the 3 original Starwars Films that could be percieved as sexual...so...A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...

"Star Wars IV: A New Hope"

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!"

"Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back"

1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"

"Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi"

1. "Rise, my friend."
2. "Open the back door!"
3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"
4. "It's just a dead animal..."
5. "Not bad for a little furball."
6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"
7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"
8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two."
9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
10. "I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her, Chewie."

Top ten sexually tilted lines from the trilogy

10. "What could possibly have come over Master Luke?"
9. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
8. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"
7. "I never knew I had it in me."
6. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
5. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
4. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!" (Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher."
3. "Short help's better than no help at all."
2. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
1. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"

And now this....

Albany, New York - Scott Bernstein, who called the Colonie New York Police Department 6 times hoping to find a prostitute, not believing, apparently, the female dispatcher who kept telling him he was reaching the police department and who kept hanging up on him. On the sixth call the police had had enough and arranged to meet him at a hotel. He then only had one more phone call he could make, and it wasn't for a prostitute.

Well, my hilarious blog for the day is almost over, but I found this picture of Zippy from Rainbow and it just makes me laugh so I wanted to share it with you all...all the best, speak to you all soon.

Quote of the day:- "My appetite is so good that I can eat the tablecloth right off the chair." - Joseph Moakley, Massachusetts representative

It's a date to remember....

2005-08-08T16:16:00.000Z

The 18th November 2005...YES it's a date to put in your diary, a great event, a superb time to be joyful....what am I talking about?...Why the cinema release of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire of course!...Oh yes, looking forward to that very much, the last film was awesome, much darker and appealed more to the older generation, I being 29 am being slotted into that category by default it would seem.
Just wanted to enlighten you to that anyway..

I did'nt post yesterday due to the weather being very warm and spending the day telling my son to step away from the BBQ cuz it's hot hot hot...man you can feel real stupid sometimes lol, but hey, what better excuse to play with toys again and not feel guilty, although I know someone who would anyway *Shoots a glance to Reality leak*.....

And now this...

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

I have been asked wether or not these little Facts are in fact true, and I can say 100% honestly...I am afraid so!!...they are in fact very true, all happened, does'nt it make you realise how brain dead people can be?...very funny stuff...

Well thats about it for this post, which just remains for me to give you your quote of the day....Peace out, speak soon.

Quote of the day:- "Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old." - Herb Score, Sportscaster

You know what it's really for.....

2005-08-07T02:58:00.000Z

Bus lanes....an interesting start to a thought that hit me at 4.00am, talking to a very dear friend of mine....not actually talking about busses though. The Bus lane...is for...BUSSES, so why, oh why do cars that are significatly smaller than busses drive down there?...A Mini is NOT a bus...A Ford Escort is NOT a bus...it aggrivates the piss out of me to see people swan off down the bus lane to try and get to their destination quicker than the rest of us poor buggers sitting in traffic ques waiting for the lights to change colour..which incidently Drivers, are NOT Christmas decorations...when they are green it does'nt mean, sit there and stare at them for the next 5 mins until they turn back to the shade of Red you were admiring a few mins before hand...Get with the program people!!! If you want to admire pretty lights, December is the time to do it..ok!...and if you feel you can't wait that long, hell, put a Tree up all year with your red and green lights....back to bus lanes...STOP USING THEM IF YOU ARE NOT A BUS!....always amuses me when a bus comes thundering up behind someone in the lane than the person realises and panics...MUA HA HA HA...justice....best not get started on justice....thats a whole new can of worms ready to throw to the birds another time.

Ever had a friend who knew pretty much what your thinking at precisly the same time?..I have such a friend, it's spooky, but....it's funny as hell...

And now this...

It’s Not Just The Jaws On Those Ocean Creatures That You Have To Watch Out For

A Norwegian man claims a dolphin tried raping him. He says the dolphin mistook him for a female dolphin and the dolphin's thing got caught between his swim suit and his legs. "The dolphin shoved me forward two or three meters before I got loose. At first I thought it was a fin, but dolphins don't have fins on their underbellies." A diving instructor says the dolphin tried it with him too but his wetsuit protected him.

Some people...need their heads checking for holes to the brain I reckon..anyways, must dash, catch you next time, so Same Stonecold time, Same StoneCold Channel!!!

Cuz Stonecold Said so!

Quote of the day:- "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman, Golfer

Is'nt life amazing?

2005-08-06T17:07:00.000Z

Hello world, today I have been on the observation deck of life, watching my Son....oh forgot your TV and forget your Game consoles, 2 year olds are amazing entertainment...and by this, I mean the things they say and do...My son made me so proud the other week, when he exclaimed "Barney's gay"....I am reffering to the purple annoyingly voiced damn dinosaur that kids seem to find so enjoyable...personally I would rather have hot forks poked into my eyes and ears than endure that purple gimp!....can't imagine where he got that from anyway *Ho hum*...Annnyway, what a bloody nice day outside today, this weather can't make it's mind up I swear...one minute it's raining and the next it's burning the skin off your back...typical British weather? hmmmm.......

Sometimes I wonder where certain sayings come from, such as...

I feel like a bear with a sore head....

HOW do they know what that feels like???? if anyone has an answer, would love to hear it!....any more silly sayings people have heard, please, feel free to respond...

I just had to laugh when I read this great piece of reality...From our own Great U OF K no less....makes you wonder, it really does...still...have a giggle on me!

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture ... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine

Until next time......Blibble!

Quote of the day: "City fathers were hoping to raise enough money to erect a new bronze statue of the Duck of Wellington." - BBC commentator

My life is not worthless, Praise the Edam!

2005-08-06T03:12:00.000Z

So I just found out on a strange little site called Humanforsale.com that I am worth a whopping $1,713,796, now I think thats a little steep myself, going once, going twice, Sold to the little old lady in the blue hat....Mom, that you??...

Quote of the day:- "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

The Squirrel Strikes Back!

2005-08-06T02:14:00.000Z

Did I say Daily? I must have been taking something, or is it that my 2 year old is taking over my life?....yes, thats must be it...oh well, maybe just rantings of a madman will have to do...hehe, so whats new in the life of the Snowman...well, not a hell of a lot, I have to say I have re-found the glory days of retro gaming...Yes I found out my old Commodore Amiga and have been lost in retro heaven...now where is the rant coming from?...easy...WHY!!!! oh why do games these days have to focus on the look of the game and not the playability factor??...cast your minds back to when the damn machine only had 4 colours and no save options, THAT was gaming at it's best, if not a little shite looking, but, thats the point, the game was PLAYABLE, come on, and also, a top title for £9.99, and now....£39.99, YOU RIP US OFF, worst part is in this world is we are shmucks who pay, we should boycott and go back to demanding budget titles at £1.99 MUA HA HA HA!...*sticks fingers up at Bill Gates*....so that was my reason for writing this blog today, I hope you found it to be true and honest opinion of why our gaming today will not be as well remembered as fondly in 20 years time....complete bumcus!...interesting word....bumcus..hehe...silly too!....

Quote of the day:- "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

A Long time ago in a mind far far away....

2005-08-01T07:20:00.000Z

Hello and welcome to my Blog Postings, I will try and flood this blog with daily rants and thoughts that happen to pop into my warped fragile little mind, things that annoy and things that irritate, oh yes folks this could be a barrel of laughs or a barrel of explosives. So strap in, and sit down for a potentially fun ride....Speak to you soon and Peace out for now..

The Snow Man

A funny thing happend to create this image!

2005-07-31T23:34:00.000Z

And here, is the mad man himself...Also known as, The Snow Man!