I am a robot...Apparently

And this represents me...Wheeeeeeee! :D

I'll Be On Air Soon!...Oh yes!

Hello everyone, I trust you all had a good weekend, I spent mine cleaning the house from top to bottom, and it looks great :) Now about my header for today, I used to DJ on an internet radio Show alongside the Leak, on a show we called Retro Radio playing hits from the 50's to the 90's, then I moved house and hav'nt been on air since....BUT!, I will be hitting the air waves again very soon my friends, for a kind Sponsor in the States has kindly offered to pay the monthly fee to get the station on air once again!...so, all going well, I will be broadcasting at least 3 times a week, 7.00pm until 10pm and I will be on MSN messenger to take requests...If anyone wants my MSN email then please ask for it in the comments box and I will sort that for you...I hope I can get some of you on board as listners :) We always have a great time on the show, it's all Live so anything can happen...and if you happen to miss a show, I upload it to the 24/7 server which loops until the next live show....I am feeling really good about this so I hope it will serve as some sort of Therapy for my Depression.....Let me know what you think in the comments box.

Woooo! :D

Strange But True:- Chris's Fish Bar in Grays, Essex, England, had 500 pounds wrapped
up ready for banking on 11th August, 1986. But the money disappeared.
One of the staff wrapped it up instead of a portion of chips, and gave it to
a customer!!

Animal Fact:- A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

And now this....

A man was stabbed by a swordfish after getting into a fight with
another man. Garth Spacek, 42 got into a fight with Frank
Ashmus, 46. The fishermen started fighting and Spacek hit
Ashmus in the head with a beer bottle. To get back at him,
Ashmus went to Spacek's apartment and stabbed him with the bill
of a swordfish. It was reported that both men were drunk. They
have been arrested and Spacek is in fair condition.

An finally

Quote of the day:- "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." - Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins

Ahhh, gotta love the humour

I recieved yet more amusing jokes in my email today, so I am taking a break from cleaning the house top to bottom ( Gotta keep the mind active...the body too )...so here we go I hope you enjoy them...they made me chuckle...

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.


MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted

last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

lol - I like that one!!

Friends Reunited....oh how true!

"I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day.
we lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic. "Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...
...so I told her to f***k off

And finally....

Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and as the walk home is taking some time due to their state they find themselves desperate for a wee. At this moment they are passing a church and decide to relieve themselves
behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish, they both realize they have nothing to wipe themselves with. So the first women decides to use her knickers and throw them away. The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, but then she notices a new grave nearby with lots of new fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with thick soft ribbon. 'just the job' she decides and without another thought duly pulls the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task is completed the women continue staggering home. Next morning, the husband of the first women phones the husband of the second-" we need to keep an eye on our wives, Mine came home with no knickers on last night!" You think you've got problems" explains the second husband. My wife came
home last night with a card stuck up her a*** that said, " we'll never forget you - from all the lads at the fire station"


Just a couple I liked from the email...Quote of the day and facts are back weekdays :) Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Rich...AKA - The Madman

Currently listening to Blue Monday by New Order

It's time for some Nonsense.....For once

Ok guys, I have decided that today, just to be different I would give you a list of things that will make you go - oooooh yeah!.....Well, it did with me any road...ok here we go..


1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America???

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

17. If a 999 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (I've always wondered..)

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

29. What do you call male ballerinas?

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didnt he just buy dinner?

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

35. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? (LMAO...)

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

38. An orange tastes of Orange, a Banana tastes of Banana, why does a Granny Smith taste of apple!!

39. Treacle tarts are made from treacle....What the hell is Spotted dick made of?

40. Why do 24 hour stores have locks on the doors?

Thats it for this blog...more to come in future installments...hope you have been entertained by this lot...and now this...

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

Amazing Animal Fact:- Elephants have been caught swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean - lol - CAUGHT Swimming?...is it against the law? lol

Quote of the day:- "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." - Sign in Men's clothing store

Animals - They are Amazing

I watched Ricky Gervais Live the other night, and it was ok, the main part that made me laugh was at the end of the show he had a list of Animal facts, made me laugh for a length of time too....SO!...I have decided to include yet another new feature for each blog....An amazing animal fact!....Man, some of them, make you wonder who takes the time to investigate this to prove it as fact. I am currently looking out of the window watching the rain beat down on the window, and feeling a lovely fresh breeze from the world outside, how very pleasent. There goes the BBQ idea I had for today lol, have to use my Trusty George Foreman grill...Oh how funny when someone refers to it as a George Formby Grill...

"When I go grillin burgers to earn an honest bob, with all the ketchup sauces it's a very smelly job"...

Yes I can imagine good Ol George on his Ukulele bashing that one out...That in case you had wondered needs to be sung to the tune of - When I go cleaning windows.

I have finnished the latest Harry Potter book in record breaking time!...Well, I guess my toilet trips must have increased since having the book..I have to say, if you have not read it yet, read it.....leaves you craving the final chapter, it really does....November 18th see's the cinema release of Goblet Of Fire, looks ok so far from the trailers, the book was a great read as was Order of the Phoenix....

Well, thats all from me at the moment, here come my daily blog facts...

Amazing Animal Fact:- Montana mountain goats will butt heads so hard their hooves fall off.

rofl....Right....would love to see that happen personally, just to see if it's true

And now this...

Strange but true:- There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S, than real ones!

Our true story of the day goes as follows

At a Phnom Penh restaurant, three Cambodians died when they decided to play "footsies" under the table with an unexploded antitank mine that they had found. Everyone else had fled the restaurant when they realized what the three were doing.

They’ll never do that again


And Finally

Quote of the Day:- "After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board." - Sign in a British office.

Friends, What are those again?

Hello everyone, it's taken me a couple of days to calm down before writing this post or I would be ripping the world to hell and back!!....Anyway, why was I so annoyed?..well, easy....On Saturday we had a Party for my freshly turned 2 year old Son...GREAT! We invited close friends and family for the bash, which included, His Grandma, Nanna, Grandad, God Mother, The Leak ( As you know him ), The Leaks Girlfriend Viv, and of course Mommy and Daddy :) .... also invited and reminded well ahead of schedule were two people I used to consider friends....Phoned them on the day of the party....The coversation went something like this...

Me:- "hi, you all set for later then?"

Him:- "Why whats going on later?"

Me:- "My Sons Birthday party"

( Silence )

Him:- "Oh blast, I forgot"

Stop there a sec....Forgot!....FORGOT?....How can you forget when reminded and this I have to add is from someone that wanted to be My Sons God Father!!!!

Me:- "So what you doing then?"

Him:- "Judo tonight"

Again, stop there....This guy does Judo EVERY night bar two nights a week....ok fair enough everyone needs a hobby or sport....But this guy did Judo instead of be with his Mom on Mothers day!!!!.....

Me:- "Right, so you coming after that right?"

Him:- "Yeah, should be there about 9.30pm"

Me:- "Ah well, later is better than not at all, see you later then"

Did he show up?....Did he fuck as like!....no phone call, no email, no appology the next day, nothing!!!!......How sad that he puts Judo before important events....Events that happen but once a year, events that put Judo into the "Ah well, we can do that another night" category.....Sad, Sad, SAD!!!

My Son had fun though, which is the main thing, but you can see why I am so pissed with the person in question, I have known the guy for 10+ years, and never has he let me down so badly than in the last 2 years.....Makes me sick!

Anyway, thats the end of that Rant, I feel better for sharing it with you all. Talking of Sharing, here is my little boy, the light of my life.



Is'nt he cute :)

Anyway, on with our True story....Prepare for more stupidity from the real world.

A Baltimore, Maryland, woman got lost after driving away from her home and didn’t stop driving until she reached Syracuse, New York. Being so greatly embarrassed, she flagged down a passing police cruiser and claimed she had been kidnapped at gunpoint in Baltimore. This claim resulted in a cross-state manhunt involving 5 police agencies.

When the truth came out, her husband was allowed to drive her back to Baltimore only after he promised that he’d do all the driving

Oh deary me! :) I want to start a new feature in my posts, Called....

Strange But True:-

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Interesting eh?.....and finally....

Quote of the Day:- "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - Terry Venables

Thats it for now, Peace out, check you later :)

Playdough - The new age human brain

What oh what, could that title mean?...Well quite simple, read it as it is put there and that is what it is meant to mean...I have been reading some very entertaining customer quotes from Mrs Coogan on her blog, and after reading the responses decided it was good enough to start one here too...Now I used to work in the Video game industry, and the things customers come out with is also priceless...So here are a few of my fave Customer queries I have had to deal with personally...

10) "Excuse me, do you stock Computer games?"......In a video game store...I ask you!

09) "Scuse me mate, you got that new Resident Evil Vice City?" - I think you mean Grand Theft Auto Vice City....

08) "Got that new Dustin Hoffmans pro BMX?" - Referring to, Matt Hoffman, at least some of the title made sense.

07) "I am looking for the new Chesney Hawks pro skater"....Of course meaning, Tony Hawks pro skater

06) "Do you service Washing machines here?"....Yeah, and Freezers and Microwaves...COMPUTER GAME STORE!!!

05) "Can you fix my Playstation?"..."We have to send it off to York to be fixed"...."What? New York?".......Oh good God!, I swear, I will swing for someone!

04) "I am looking for Bet Rayal"...After much MUCH pressing with this customer, it turned out she wanted WWF Betrayal....Bet Rayal!...Excellent.

03) "If I buy this game and copy it, can I bring it back and get a refund?"...Uhhhh....."NO!"

02) "Scuse me mush, ow much are dem gamestations?"....Chav alert!

01) And my fave - "Hello there dear, I am looking to get Steven Hawking Ice Skating".....Now I know it's harsh to laugh at an elderly person, but how can you be so wrong about a game title? Tony Hawks ( AGAIN ) Pro Skate boarding....

Now you can see why I have todays blog title as it is....Playdough?....Putty, S*hite?, Something other than brain cells!!!!

lol, so Mrs C, you are not alone in the ways of the dumbass customer.... anyway, thats made me cheerful so onto todays strange but true story.

And now this...

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!" - Strange but true!!!

And to wrap us up it's time for...

Quote of the Day:- "Elephants Please Stay In Your Car." - Safari park sign

A Funny Moral to the tale....

I was sent this via email and thought it quite funny, so wanted to share it with you all...Am I good to you or what?

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and, before long, Cuddles discovers that
she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the
approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and
he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do
now?"

But instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard...... !"

Moral of this story.. Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will
always overcome youth and skill!
Bullsh*it and brilliance only come with age and experience!

Todays Blog was inspired by....

A one..Mrs Coogan. Yes the lady in question ( who has a most entertaining blog ), did a piece on Idioms And Their Origins, so I thought I would try some of my own...so sit tight, here we go!

Limelight

Thomas Drummond in 1816 devised a lighting source for theatres.  It was a cylinder of lime heated by an incandescence flame and placed behind a lens or in front of a reflector. These lime lights were very bright. Thus the star
performer was very visible as long as he stood in it. Soon, actors were
competing to be in the easily seen limelight. And so any location where
many can see you today is called being in the limelight.

Break the ice

All cities that grew as a result of being on rivers (for trade) suffered during bitter cold times when the river froze.Even large ships got stuck, making them icebound for weeks.Little small sturdy ships known as icebreakers were develop to precede the ships breaking ice and making a path. This was important for the ships to get the goods to market. And so every boatman knew that in order to get down to business, you first had to break the ice.Today it represents any sort of start to a project or on a first date where you "break the ice", usually represented by a kiss or a lengthy introduction ;)

Hen Pecked

Biologist W.C. Allee gained fame when he discovered the pecking order of hens, and the female's habit of using her beak as a weapon among other females. The hens never peck the male roosters. And yet the term today is often referred to represent the verbal attacks females put upon males. Go figure!

Well, theres a small history lesson for you today, hope you enjoyed it.

I stumbled across this site today, some of these people are scarily like their Celeb doubles, go and have a look for yourself, it's a scary world!!!

Celebrity look alikes

And now this....

A Euclid, Oregon, man claimed that a camcorder found by police with "up skirt" videos was not his. That is until he was shown the images where he often missed the intended focal point and got pictures of his own face.

And to finnish this blog today, I am going to be going with the fabled..

Quote of the day:- "During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian.

An interesting feat by anyones standards. And now a picture.....

C'mawn, Retro retro retro retro....

Yes that title was done in the style of Ray from 2 Unlimited - remember him? looked like he had a huge bird eating spider for hair...and his immortal crys of.. "C'Mwan, Techno techno techno techno"...look it up, it's used in No Limit...Oh yeah, some real Phat beats used back then eh?..."Lemme hear you say Yeeeeah"...

And onto a strange post, I have decided it about time that I share with you some of the silliest band names I have found over the time of music history, and let me assure you, some are very VERY strange...I did this feature on my Radio show with my then Co-Host - The Leak...so here we go then with the top 10 silly band names.

*Cue top 10 music*

10:- Mott The Hoople
09:- Kid Creole and the Coconuts
08:- Limmie and the family cookin'
07:- The Troggs
06:- A Flock of Seagulls
05:- Terry Dactyl and the dinosaurs
04:- Three Dog Night
03:- Hermans Hermits
02:- Showaddy Waddy
01:- Bobby Boris Pickett and the Crypt kicker 5

So there you have it, my top 10 of silly names, please feel free to add to this list in the comments section...lets try and get the best line up of stupid/outrageous and quite frankly most ridiculous names of all time.

Coming soon as a sort of sequel - Silliest song names of all time...but thats for a future installment.

My ebay shop has taken off really well, quite impressed...check it out.

Digital Interface

And now this:-

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain

Only in Ohio...or if you happen to be a Chav, which is ok cuz it means you can't actually read this post....Bwa ha ha ha ha

And to finnish off, as always...

Quote of the day:- "When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him" - Michael, 14 Advice from Kids

And the blog must go on...

Hello again, and a hearty welcome...yes I am in a much better mood than when I posted last....which I am sure makes you all happy bunnies. I have decided after reading blogs linked from and including my very good friend "The Leak" that I will add some of my favorite ones to my links section to give you all some more exposure, oooer missus!...And if you enjoy my blog then please feel free to do the same.

I am currently looking out of the window and watching the rain beat down on the world, very theraputic is rain...just watching it, hearing it..obviously not out singing in it, well not yet anyway, maybe after several jugs of beer hehe...although at that point Singing in the rain may have turned into "Shlungin on the run"..

Anyone ( Ladies excused ) ever had their nuts used as a punch bag?...no?....then don't work with kids..they think it's hysterical to watch you crumple over as their fists thunder into your unsuspecting baby maker....

and now this....

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, N. J., in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 a.m., the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.

Oh dear, what is the world coming to when you can't even throw a lit Boomstick out of the car window properly?....

And so concludes this little blog, there may be more later....or maybe I will be lazy and wait...who knows...who cares....Stay tuned to MadFM for more :)

Quote of the day:- "What's the use of sending a $2 million missile into a $10 tent to hit a camel in the butt?" - George W. Bush

And life goes on...

Hello everyone...I am so pissed off right now, it's only small, but I need to get it off my chest, and I aint talking hair here!!!...

OK, in April I was fired from my job for...DUN DUN DUNNNN, Changing some paperwork, which is not as bad as it sounds...( And if I ever run into that piece of crap that I used to work for, hes not going to be able to walk very far when I finnish with him ) Now my problem is this....It seems I am now scum of the earth as far as employers go even though supposedly my old firm are not allowed to disclose info as to why I left, not even a damn Supermarket job fits my bill...and being an Ex Store Manager, you would think I may be of some use to people....*sigh*, only time will tell I guess to see if this curse ever gets lifted from my shoulders and I may be able to work again...who knows, maybe I won't....Life deals a shitty deck sometimes...mainly friggin jokers!!!!

Anyway time for some light heartedness!!! Below I have amassed a selection of quotes from the 3 original Starwars Films that could be percieved as sexual...so...A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...

"Star Wars IV: A New Hope"

1. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
2. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
3. "Look at the size of that thing!"
4. "Sorry about the mess..."
5. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
6. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
7. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
8. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed!"
9. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
10. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care *what* you smell!"



"Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back"

1. "And I thought they smelled bad...on the *outside*!"
2. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
3. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"
4. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
5. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
6. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cummm..."
7. "Control, control! You must learn control!"
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"



"Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi"

1. "Rise, my friend."
2. "Open the back door!"
3. "Hey, point that thing somewhere else!"
4. "It's just a dead animal..."
5. "Not bad for a little furball."
6. "How can they be jamming us if they don't know we're coming?"
7. "Come here, I won't hurt you. You want something to eat?"
8. "Keep on that one, I'll take these two."
9. "I want you to take her. I mean it, take her!"
10. "I don't think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed her, Chewie."



Top ten sexually tilted lines from the trilogy

10. "What could possibly have come over Master Luke?"
9. "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
8. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"
7. "I never knew I had it in me."
6. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
5. "There is good in him, I've felt it."
4. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!" (Han) with "A little higher, just a little higher."
3. "Short help's better than no help at all."
2. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
1. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"

And now this....

Albany, New York - Scott Bernstein, who called the Colonie New York Police Department 6 times hoping to find a prostitute, not believing, apparently, the female dispatcher who kept telling him he was reaching the police department and who kept hanging up on him. On the sixth call the police had had enough and arranged to meet him at a hotel. He then only had one more phone call he could make, and it wasn't for a prostitute.

Well, my hilarious blog for the day is almost over, but I found this picture of Zippy from Rainbow and it just makes me laugh so I wanted to share it with you all...all the best, speak to you all soon.




Quote of the day:- "My appetite is so good that I can eat the tablecloth right off the chair." - Joseph Moakley, Massachusetts representative

It's a date to remember....

The 18th November 2005...YES it's a date to put in your diary, a great event, a superb time to be joyful....what am I talking about?...Why the cinema release of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire of course!...Oh yes, looking forward to that very much, the last film was awesome, much darker and appealed more to the older generation, I being 29 am being slotted into that category by default it would seem.
Just wanted to enlighten you to that anyway..

I did'nt post yesterday due to the weather being very warm and spending the day telling my son to step away from the BBQ cuz it's hot hot hot...man you can feel real stupid sometimes lol, but hey, what better excuse to play with toys again and not feel guilty, although I know someone who would anyway *Shoots a glance to Reality leak*.....

And now this...

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

I have been asked wether or not these little Facts are in fact true, and I can say 100% honestly...I am afraid so!!...they are in fact very true, all happened, does'nt it make you realise how brain dead people can be?...very funny stuff...

Well thats about it for this post, which just remains for me to give you your quote of the day....Peace out, speak soon.

Quote of the day:- "Coming on to pitch is Mike Moore, who is six-foot-one and 212 years old." - Herb Score, Sportscaster

You know what it's really for.....

Bus lanes....an interesting start to a thought that hit me at 4.00am, talking to a very dear friend of mine....not actually talking about busses though. The Bus lane...is for...BUSSES, so why, oh why do cars that are significatly smaller than busses drive down there?...A Mini is NOT a bus...A Ford Escort is NOT a bus...it aggrivates the piss out of me to see people swan off down the bus lane to try and get to their destination quicker than the rest of us poor buggers sitting in traffic ques waiting for the lights to change colour..which incidently Drivers, are NOT Christmas decorations...when they are green it does'nt mean, sit there and stare at them for the next 5 mins until they turn back to the shade of Red you were admiring a few mins before hand...Get with the program people!!! If you want to admire pretty lights, December is the time to do it..ok!...and if you feel you can't wait that long, hell, put a Tree up all year with your red and green lights....back to bus lanes...STOP USING THEM IF YOU ARE NOT A BUS!....always amuses me when a bus comes thundering up behind someone in the lane than the person realises and panics...MUA HA HA HA...justice....best not get started on justice....thats a whole new can of worms ready to throw to the birds another time.

Ever had a friend who knew pretty much what your thinking at precisly the same time?..I have such a friend, it's spooky, but....it's funny as hell...

And now this...

It’s Not Just The Jaws On Those Ocean Creatures That You Have To Watch Out For

A Norwegian man claims a dolphin tried raping him. He says the dolphin mistook him for a female dolphin and the dolphin's thing got caught between his swim suit and his legs. "The dolphin shoved me forward two or three meters before I got loose. At first I thought it was a fin, but dolphins don't have fins on their underbellies." A diving instructor says the dolphin tried it with him too but his wetsuit protected him.

Some people...need their heads checking for holes to the brain I reckon..anyways, must dash, catch you next time, so Same Stonecold time, Same StoneCold Channel!!!



Cuz Stonecold Said so!

Quote of the day:- "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman, Golfer

Is'nt life amazing?

Hello world, today I have been on the observation deck of life, watching my Son....oh forgot your TV and forget your Game consoles, 2 year olds are amazing entertainment...and by this, I mean the things they say and do...My son made me so proud the other week, when he exclaimed "Barney's gay"....I am reffering to the purple annoyingly voiced damn dinosaur that kids seem to find so enjoyable...personally I would rather have hot forks poked into my eyes and ears than endure that purple gimp!....can't imagine where he got that from anyway *Ho hum*...Annnyway, what a bloody nice day outside today, this weather can't make it's mind up I swear...one minute it's raining and the next it's burning the skin off your back...typical British weather? hmmmm.......


Sometimes I wonder where certain sayings come from, such as...

I feel like a bear with a sore head....

HOW do they know what that feels like???? if anyone has an answer, would love to hear it!....any more silly sayings people have heard, please, feel free to respond...

I just had to laugh when I read this great piece of reality...From our own Great U OF K no less....makes you wonder, it really does...still...have a giggle on me!

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture ... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine

Until next time......Blibble!

Quote of the day: "City fathers were hoping to raise enough money to erect a new bronze statue of the Duck of Wellington." - BBC commentator

My life is not worthless, Praise the Edam!

So I just found out on a strange little site called Humanforsale.com that I am worth a whopping $1,713,796, now I think thats a little steep myself, going once, going twice, Sold to the little old lady in the blue hat....Mom, that you??...

Quote of the day:- "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

The Squirrel Strikes Back!

Did I say Daily? I must have been taking something, or is it that my 2 year old is taking over my life?....yes, thats must be it...oh well, maybe just rantings of a madman will have to do...hehe, so whats new in the life of the Snowman...well, not a hell of a lot, I have to say I have re-found the glory days of retro gaming...Yes I found out my old Commodore Amiga and have been lost in retro heaven...now where is the rant coming from?...easy...WHY!!!! oh why do games these days have to focus on the look of the game and not the playability factor??...cast your minds back to when the damn machine only had 4 colours and no save options, THAT was gaming at it's best, if not a little shite looking, but, thats the point, the game was PLAYABLE, come on, and also, a top title for £9.99, and now....£39.99, YOU RIP US OFF, worst part is in this world is we are shmucks who pay, we should boycott and go back to demanding budget titles at £1.99 MUA HA HA HA!...*sticks fingers up at Bill Gates*....so that was my reason for writing this blog today, I hope you found it to be true and honest opinion of why our gaming today will not be as well remembered as fondly in 20 years time....complete bumcus!...interesting word....bumcus..hehe...silly too!....


Quote of the day:- "Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

A Long time ago in a mind far far away....

Hello and welcome to my Blog Postings, I will try and flood this blog with daily rants and thoughts that happen to pop into my warped fragile little mind, things that annoy and things that irritate, oh yes folks this could be a barrel of laughs or a barrel of explosives. So strap in, and sit down for a potentially fun ride....Speak to you soon and Peace out for now..

The Snow Man